the PAY ATTENTION blog

One of the Guys: A Tragedy

WTFdoods.tumblr.com

DO IT!

notblogging:

I wrote this over at WTFdoods, a new roast-blog that makes fun of doods in various capacities.

Click through to enjoy the whole piece, and remember: Marie Claire must be stopped!

One of the Guys: A Tragedy

A few weeks ago, my trusty co-writer and I came across this infuriating piece on Marie Claire’s website: 6 Ways to be One of the Guys, a male writer’s observations on the appeal behind women who “act like one of the guys”. It would be one thing to merely identify and ponder why this behavior is attractive – that would be totally understandable, although still annoying. But this patronizing “piece” actually seeks to instruct desperate women about utilizing these “techniques” to snag a boyfriend.

 

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I looked up Zombies on Wikipedia and now I’m terrified

According to the tenets of Vodou, a dead person can be revived by a bokor, or sorcerer. Zombies remain under the control of the bokor since they have no will of their own…In 1937, while researching folklore in Haiti, Zora Neale Hurston encountered the case of a woman who appeared in a village, and a family claimed she was Felicia Felix-Mentor, a relative who had died and been buried in 1907 at the age of 29. Hurston pursued rumors that the affected persons were given powerful psychoactive drug, but she was unable to locate individuals willing to offer much information. She wrote:

Several decades later, Wade Davis, a Harvard ethnobotanist, presented a pharmacological case for zombies in two books, The Serpent and the Rainbow (1985) and Passage of Darkness: The Ethnobiology of the Haitian Zombie (1988). Davis traveled to Haiti in 1982 and, as a result of his investigations, claimed that a living person can be turned into a zombie by two special powders being entered into the blood stream (usually via a wound). The first, coup de poudre (French: ‘powder strike’), includes tetrodotoxin (TTX), a powerful and frequently fatal neurotoxin found in the flesh of the pufferfish (order Tetraodontidae). The second powder consists of dissociative drugs such as datura. Together, these powders were said to induce a death-like state in which the victim’s will would be entirely subjected to that of the bokor.

A list of dating website cliches

- having a username with “brooklyn” or “nyc” in it

- having a username that expresses how much you hate hipsters

- starting a message with “i’m not too good at these things but __”

- listing your cool smartphone as one of the things you can’t live without

- making it known that you “don’t really watch TV” or “don’t own a TV” in your profile

- making it known that grammar is important to you (ugh, this one’s the worst, shut up)

- talking about your bike in your profile

- calling yourself a “nerd” or a “dork”

ADDENDUM

I would watch a show that features Snooki and J-Woww, and no one else.

My Problem With Jersey Shore

Did I watch every single episode of Jersey Shore season 1? Yes. Did I laugh, like a lot? Yes.

Well, now I’m tired of it.  I don’t care anymore and I’m tired of it.  Because they are making money, and that pisses me off.  I didn’t watch Jersey Shore to look up to the guidos and admire them, I watched it to laugh at them and make fun of them because they are ridiculous and dumb and because they wear crazy things.  But now, they get $50,000 every time they show up at a club, or something like that, and I don’t even make that much money in a year, so who’s laughing now?

I don’t like it one bit.  And I don’t want to watch Season 2.